Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats – Crumbs

As a celebrity, Carrie Underwood has done a fantastic job of keeping herself ethically, you know, not horrifying. But Before He Cheats…yikes! Only two out of five cupcakes, leaving us with a rating of crumbs.

Not So Great, Folks

It’s not immediately obvious why I find this song so disappointing, so let’s take a closer look at the lyrics:

Right now, he’s probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp and she’s probably getting frisky

Right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink ’cause she can’t shoot whiskey

Right now, he’s probably up behind her with a pool-stick showing her how to shoot a combo

Okay, so this song is about a boyfriend cheating. This is a perfectly valid song subject, but why are we bashing the hapless girl he’s cheating with? It seems to me that her anger is a bit misdirected.

Plus she’s criticizing the girl for not being able to “shoot whiskey,” which really isn’t that much of an accomplishment in the first place.

And he don’t know

That I dug my key into the side

Of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seats

I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights

Slashed a hole in all four tires

Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats

Oh. My. Goodness. Is anyone else hearing this? This is vandalism. This is illegal.

And not only is this, um, hi, illegal, but it’s a terrible terrible thing to glorify. Taking revenge on someone by destroying their personal property? Why are we telling our youth that this is appropriate behavior?

You could argue that the song isn’t specifically saying, “Hey, guys, go out and do this! This is the best course of action!”

But, really, it is saying that. Because it isn’t showing any of the ramifications. The only ramification shown is that the boyfriend might not cheat again. The song doesn’t so much as mention the immorality of her actions, or the fines she could face, or the long-term results of thinking that revenge okay.

Right now, she’s probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke

The slur “white-trash” is pretty insulting, and shouldn’t be used in a song at all.

Right now, she’s probably saying, “I’m drunk,” and he’s thinking that he’s gonna get lucky

Right now, he’s probably dabbing on three dollars worth of that bathroom polo

Again, this is simply insulting the girl and the boyfriend. Also note that none of these insults are even founded. She doesn’t know what these two actually are doing, only what they are “probably” doing, yet she’s still making these assumptions and destroying her boyfriend’s car based on these assumptions.