Katy Perry – Teenage Dream – Crumbs
I love Glee and Darren Criss just as much as the next person, but I also have to admit that this song really isn’t constructive. In fact, it’s pretty destructive, since it adds to the flood of media telling teenagers what their dream life is.
The lyrics actually seem pretty innocuous at first, so let’s take a closer look.
You think I’m pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I’m funny
When I tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down, down
So far so good. Love based on more than appearance: check. The reasons for loving him (I’m assuming it’s a him, though the song doesn’t specifically say) are a bit shallow, and seem to be more based on him complimenting her rather than his actual qualities, but this is more nitpicky than anything.
Before you met me
I was alright, but things
Were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine
This verse is quite sweet, and it’s fantastic that he touched the artist and changed her life so wonderfully.
Let’s go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I will be young forever.
Um. What?
Now, opinions vary on the right time to have sex, and my personal opinion isn’t quite relevant at the moment. The main thing is that teenagers are already bombarded by the message that sex driven by love in the heat of the moment is perfectly fine and has no consequences. “No regrets”? I’m sure that some teenagers have had sex and gone on to be quite happy and free from regret, but there are also many others who have deeply regretted their decision. It seems irresponsible to propagate the myth that sudden decisions about sex probably won’t have negative consequences.
And despite the wonders of plastic surgery, people cannot stay young forever. If sex is involved, it seems like it’s about time to grow up.
You make me
Feel like I’m living a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can’t sleep
Let’s run away and
Don’t ever look back
Don’t ever look back
My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now, baby, I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don’t ever look back
Don’t ever look back
It just keeps getting worse. By the sounds of it, the artist is not a teenager herself, and yet believes that what she is describing is the dream situation for a teenager.
And that’s exactly the problem. It’s a dream. In this dream situation, two teenagers fall madly in love and will love each other forever and have passionate sex and run away from home and live perfectly happy lives. But real life has problems, including but not limited to unwanted pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, STDs, poverty, divorce, etc.
Now, I’m not saying that if you have sex as a teenager you WILL have ten kids out-of-wedlock with no money and lots of addictions. But I am saying that these are very real problems that are often not acknowledged by the media, and this song contributes to that myth.
We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I’m complete
And now we add alcohol. It was bound to happen. While it doesn’t sound like the artist is speaking as a teenager, this IS described as a teenage dream, and adding alcohol to this dream is underage drinking, which is illegal.
And there’s more sex.
I’mma get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
While it sounds like our couple is clothed now, this is still perpetuating the belief that physical intimacy is the key to a dream teenage life. While it is important, of course, it isn’t the most important thing in a romantic relationship, and is by no means the most important thing in a teenager’s life.
On a more positive note, I would highly recommend checking out Boyce Avenue’s absolutely phenomenal cover of Teenage Dream, complete with fantastic lyric adjustments that would upgrade this song to four or even five out of five cupcakes.
Hot Chelle Rae – Tonight, Tonight – Crumbs
I’ll admit it: this is a catchy song. But it’s also a pretty terrible one. Two out of five cupcakes. Crumbs.
Partying. Drinking. Racism. Yikes!
It’s been a really, really messed up week
Seven days of torture, seven days of bitter
And my girlfriend went and cheated on me
She’s a California dime, but it’s time for me to quit her
The last line is a bit offensive, as if the only reason he was with her in the first place was for her looks, but overall this verse is relatively harmless.
La la la
Whatever
La la la
It doesn’t matter
La la la
Oh well
La la la
Denial. Not terribly healthy, especially considering what comes next.
We’re going at it
Tonight, tonight
There’s a party on the rooftop top of the world
Tonight, tonight
And we’re dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign
I don’t know if I’ll make it
But watch how good I’ll fake it
It’s alright, alright
Tonight, tonight
Oh, my goodness. This is a TERRIBLE message to send our youth. Are you hearing this? This is the message: if bad things happen (which they will), don’t worry about it, don’t express your feelings, and instead just party, and act recklessly, and pretend that everything is just peachy.
Yikes.
And it gets worse.
I woke up with a strange tattoo
Not sure how I got it, not a dollar in my pocket
And it kinda looks just like you
Mixed with Zach Galifianakis
So now we’re adding alcohol – glorifying alcohol! Glorifying hangovers and irresponsible behavior and overspending. Glorifying it for teenagers, who shouldn’t even be drinking alcohol at all, since it’s, you know, illegal. And while this last line is admittedly hilarious at first, it’s also another example of how our society has lowered its standards of entertainment to such crude humor.
Just don’t stop, let’s keep the beat pumping
Keep the beat up, let’s drop the beat down
It’s my party, dance if I want to
We can get crazy, let it all out
There’s nothing wrong with dancing, per se, but when you add alcohol to people looking for ways to distract themselves from their less than ideal lives, people do start getting “crazy” and THAT is when problems start happening.
It’s you and me and we’re running this town
And it’s me and you and we’re shaking this ground
And ain’t nobody gonna tell us to go ’cause this is our show
Typical – or rather, stereotypical – teenage invincibility and arrogance. Bleh.
Everybody
Whoa, come on, all you animals
Whoa, let me here you now
“All you animals“? Um, yuck. Definitely not something we should aspire to be.
Just singing like
Whoa, come one, oh, all you party people
Whoa, all you singletons, oh, even the white kids
I’m not sure what this is supposed to imply about “white kids” – that they can’t party? It’s not like this is something propagated in pop culture – but regardless of the implication, it’s still racist. Again, yuck.
Well. This seemingly innocuous pop song certainly opens up quite the can of worms. And unfortunately, it actually does reflect the overall message of American media. But fortunately, we can learn from this, and make a conscious effort to choose not to listen to this type of music, and not to follow these suggestions, and not to propagate these messages, because as consumers we have more power than we realize.
Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats – Crumbs
As a celebrity, Carrie Underwood has done a fantastic job of keeping herself ethically, you know, not horrifying. But Before He Cheats…yikes! Only two out of five cupcakes, leaving us with a rating of crumbs.
It’s not immediately obvious why I find this song so disappointing, so let’s take a closer look at the lyrics:
Right now, he’s probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp and she’s probably getting frisky
Right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink ’cause she can’t shoot whiskey
Right now, he’s probably up behind her with a pool-stick showing her how to shoot a combo
Okay, so this song is about a boyfriend cheating. This is a perfectly valid song subject, but why are we bashing the hapless girl he’s cheating with? It seems to me that her anger is a bit misdirected.
Plus she’s criticizing the girl for not being able to “shoot whiskey,” which really isn’t that much of an accomplishment in the first place.
And he don’t know
That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats
Oh. My. Goodness. Is anyone else hearing this? This is vandalism. This is illegal.
And not only is this, um, hi, illegal, but it’s a terrible terrible thing to glorify. Taking revenge on someone by destroying their personal property? Why are we telling our youth that this is appropriate behavior?
You could argue that the song isn’t specifically saying, “Hey, guys, go out and do this! This is the best course of action!”
But, really, it is saying that. Because it isn’t showing any of the ramifications. The only ramification shown is that the boyfriend might not cheat again. The song doesn’t so much as mention the immorality of her actions, or the fines she could face, or the long-term results of thinking that revenge okay.
Right now, she’s probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke
The slur “white-trash” is pretty insulting, and shouldn’t be used in a song at all.
Right now, she’s probably saying, “I’m drunk,” and he’s thinking that he’s gonna get lucky
Right now, he’s probably dabbing on three dollars worth of that bathroom polo
Again, this is simply insulting the girl and the boyfriend. Also note that none of these insults are even founded. She doesn’t know what these two actually are doing, only what they are “probably” doing, yet she’s still making these assumptions and destroying her boyfriend’s car based on these assumptions.
I might’ve saved a little trouble for the next girl
‘Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won’t be on me
Again, this is justifying and glorifying her actions, which are, of course, incredibly wrong.
It is admirable that Carrie Underwood isn’t condoning cheating. It is, however, completely inexcusable that she’s condoning vandalism.
Gluten-Free Cupcakes 