Katy Perry – Teenage Dream – Crumbs

I love Glee and Darren Criss just as much as the next person, but I also have to admit that this song really isn’t constructive. In fact, it’s pretty destructive, since it adds to the flood of media telling teenagers what their dream life is.

Not exactly a hearty snack

The lyrics actually seem pretty innocuous at first, so let’s take a closer look.

You think I’m pretty

Without any makeup on

You think I’m funny

When I tell the punch line wrong

I know you get me

So I let my walls come down, down

So far so good. Love based on more than appearance: check. The reasons for loving him (I’m assuming it’s a him, though the song doesn’t specifically say) are a bit shallow, and seem to be more based on him complimenting her rather than his actual qualities, but this is more nitpicky than anything.

Before you met me

I was alright, but things

Were kinda heavy

You brought me to life

Now every February

You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine

This verse is quite sweet, and it’s fantastic that he touched the artist and changed her life so wonderfully.

Let’s go all the way tonight

No regrets, just love

We can dance until we die

You and I will be young forever.

Um. What?

Now, opinions vary on the right time to have sex, and my personal opinion isn’t quite relevant at the moment. The main thing is that teenagers are already bombarded by the message that sex driven by love in the heat of the moment is perfectly fine and has no consequences. “No regrets”? I’m sure that some teenagers have had sex and gone on to be quite happy and free from regret, but there are also many others who have deeply regretted their decision. It seems irresponsible to propagate the myth that sudden decisions about sex probably won’t have negative consequences.

And despite the wonders of plastic surgery, people cannot stay young forever. If sex is involved, it seems like it’s about time to grow up.

You make me

Feel like I’m living a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can’t sleep

Let’s run away and

Don’t ever look back

Don’t ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now, baby, I believe

This is real

So take a chance and

Don’t ever look back

Don’t ever look back

It just keeps getting worse. By the sounds of it, the artist is not a teenager herself, and yet believes that what she is describing is the dream situation for a teenager.

And that’s exactly the problem. It’s a dream. In this dream situation, two teenagers fall madly in love and will love each other forever and have passionate sex and run away from home and live perfectly happy lives. But real life has problems, including but not limited to unwanted pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, STDs, poverty, divorce, etc.

Now, I’m not saying that if you have sex as a teenager you WILL have ten kids out-of-wedlock with no money and lots of addictions. But I am saying that these are very real problems that are often not acknowledged by the media, and this song contributes to that myth.

We drove to Cali

And got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and

Built a fort out of sheets

I finally found you

My missing puzzle piece

I’m complete

And now we add alcohol. It was bound to happen. While it doesn’t sound like the artist is speaking as a teenager, this IS described as a teenage dream, and adding alcohol to this dream is underage drinking, which is illegal.

And there’s more sex.

I’mma get your heart racing

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

While it sounds like our couple is clothed now, this is still perpetuating the belief that physical intimacy is the key to a dream teenage life. While it is important, of course, it isn’t the most important thing in a romantic relationship, and is by no means the most important thing in a teenager’s life.

Just a dream

On a more positive note, I would highly recommend checking out Boyce Avenue’s absolutely phenomenal cover of Teenage Dream, complete with fantastic lyric adjustments that would upgrade this song to four or even five out of five cupcakes.